just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
