if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
