Have you finally orgasmed yet?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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