You can't motorboat a personality
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
