I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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