Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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