i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
