no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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