i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
