When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
