I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
