i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
