if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Drake has all the answers
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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