Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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