Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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