I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You are the jesus of drinking
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
