dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
