Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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