Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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