Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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