it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize