I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
