Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
