I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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