I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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