I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
