I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
