D3 body, D1 cock
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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