There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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