dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
