Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize