Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize