Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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