WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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