the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
