Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
