Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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