Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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