First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
whose ass print is on the piano?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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