hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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