Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
