My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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