I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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