Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
