Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize