I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
