Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
