spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
