No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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