Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
the condom got lost in my hair
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
