I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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