i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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