make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
