At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
