What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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