Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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