I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
