She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
