I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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