Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
