so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize