woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Randomize
