i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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