Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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