Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
