Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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