I feel great
I just peed on a car
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All the doctor said was why
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
