Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
