chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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