Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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