I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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