Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize