Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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