I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
