Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize