matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
