'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
